.Wednesday, September 02, 2009 ' 4:29 AM l
History repeated again.
It's time for me to leave this spot and carry on.
But i will be your guardian angel in the dark.
Even how much i wish i can be in shinning in the light.
I knew i will never be able to make it.
You told me you're sick making so worried but actually you lied.
I tried to be angry about it but i just can't do it.
I knew i won't be able to be angry at you no matter how hard i try.
Since this is how our fate should be then let it be.
It's about time i leave this spot but one day i definently will be back one day.
For now i don't wish to create troubles and problems to you.
Thanks for accompanying me that night at your house.
I'm tired really tired of loving you in the dark.
Tired of trying hard to be able to shine brightly.
For now i'm taking a break but what i had promise you and your parent will never fail.
Because it's not the promise that made me hold but the love for you.
I'm here in the past, i'm here in present, i will still be here in the future.
Wendy stay happy always, bless you and your relationship will last as long as you wish.
Time for me to go now.
I will be back when the time is right...
.Saturday, August 15, 2009 ' 4:29 AM l
Today have a short chat with Clarence my GayBrother.
First thing GayBrothers are not GAY we are just Brothers.
Anyway today was actually chatting to Clarence about the question that i can't answer.
Was asking him about my present in this world is important and why izzit?
Clarence thanks anyway for waking my mind up without your words i believe i'm still stuck.
Free from some questions but still trap in the same old place but at least a bit of improvement was made.
I sms and asked Wendy a question last morning which is 6am in the morning.
But i didn't get any answers from her but receive a sms that she's in orchard shopping around.
Right now i just feeling so messed up right now.
There are so many things i wanna say to you but i can't because i'm a coward.
There are so many things i wanna show to you but i can't because i'm useless.
AND
There are so many things i wanna prove to you but i can't because it's too late.
.Friday, August 14, 2009 ' 5:04 AM l
Things going up and down for me.
Ended a relationship recently and nothing much affected me.
Asking myself why am i feeling nothing about it?
And i can't even answer it myself.
Met up with sooyi few days back at lot1.
Have a short trip of chatting with her while sending her home.
She was sharing her problems with me.
And this question went up my mind:"How important is my present in this world?"
At night as i can't sleep, finally pouring out my pain to sooyi over the phone in sms.
Felt kinda lighten up but things just went as usual the next day.
Just now met up with josephine my childhood friend to check up on how's she had been coping.
Same thing and question came up my mind again when josephine to me this.
She said:"Claudius do you know how important your present is? If one day i will to fall, people around me will fall too!"
I recalled Wendy told me some similar too, she said:"Everyone can leave her but not ME because i'm someone special to her!"
I made a promise to Wendy that i will never leave her no matter what or how, will always be there as a friend or some other relationship.
The same old question came up again How important is my present in this world?
Finally i felt ii'm not doing fine more and more because it's seem i'm getting more and more lost about myself.
Just a moment of time when josephine said:"Claudius" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This moment it remind me of wendy, the feeling of wendy was there was so strong as if she was actually there but,
when i look up if was actually josephine my childhood friend.
Some things seem familiar about josephine and wendy but i just can't figure it out.
Maybe i'm thinking too much after all.
Felt a bit relax to hear from josephine that she's coping well in her family and her son.
As for wendy i'm happy to see her having a good boyfriend which is taking care of her right now.
So i guess it's about time i leave this place but i guess it might be a hard one.
After all there is still some weight that i'm unable to lift off.
I'm still holding a torch for Wendy after all is past and history.
I always said to many that "What is yours is yours and what is not will never be yours"
It's meaningfull but am i doing it like what i said to many?
In fact i never been into a relationship that i felt so comfortable and so "mature" in a way.
It totally change my life giving me the light and colours to my life.
Maybe i might sound kinda childish but i really just can't explain it as if i'm writing a story.
Last thing to add on, You can understands others needs and feelings but it's not easy to understands your reall needs and feelings.
.Wednesday, August 05, 2009 ' 4:03 AM l
Seem like this blog had be abandoned by it's owner. . .
Actually don't really have much things to blog about.
But i believe at least i can throw some of my problems here and let it be bygone.
Don't really sure am i moving on the right path of my life or am i creating a root of a mistake?
Take a look at myself in the mirror and found that i'm not doing fine at all.
Looking into my eyes deep inside it was sadness which was trying their best to get out as tears.
Just a question to ask myself why did things take out this way?
Why did i had to let it be a history?
Will our life be better if those things never happen?
A night outside your house gotten a hug given by you and that feelings we once had are still there.
But next it was been covered by regret and sadness.
A friend hug you say ?
But izzit true it's just a friend hug or "friend hug"
This coming saturday i'm moving to redhill.
Believe we gonna see each other much lesser but still you're always in my heart
.Tuesday, June 02, 2009 ' 11:51 PM l
Hmmm what am i suppose to blog today? Yesterday meet up with sooyi and accompany her to citispa for her facial. While waiting for her facial to be done, i went to westmall arcade to see whether anyone is playing DDR today. To my suprise all my friends are there waiting for their turns to play. Meet HuiJuan NuEr and have a dance with her too, nuer you did improve a lot so far, dont give up no matter what because no1 was born to be a pro in DDR dont let others words discourage you alright. After that went to fetch sooyi and went down to KFC for dinner, dinner was treated by her. Sounded like i'm a xiao bai lian but too bad i'm not since my skin is so TANNED haas. After dinner we walked around browsing shops for her makesup set and fetch her home. Hmmm tomorrow have to go to work and i'm still sick yet i'm not resting to get well. Oh well just let this sick go off by it's own ^^
.Monday, June 01, 2009 ' 2:25 PM l
Damm 5 more days to my birthday and now i'm sick. Today not going to work because dont really have the energy to move around. Stupid fever burning my whole body making it so freaking hot. Dry throat making me so hard to talk really felt shagz. Anyway now rest awhile then need to take a long ride to the nearest polyclinic which is at Chou Cho Kang.
.Friday, May 29, 2009 ' 4:22 AM l
Today went to work for a few hours because of a seriously stomach pain. It's not like i need to go toilet but it's more on vomiting the foods i ate at the staff canteen. Wei En dismissed me early and told me to go home but i went to the staff canteen to rest because i'm waiting for josephine to come and fetch me home. I suspect that the food in canteen were not clean at all, that why i had a serious stomach pain and made me vomit. Anyway after josephine came down to fetch me, we went to takeshimaya there to sit down and slack and i can rest. Seriously i dont felt right moving at all, was thinking about resting there and not move. Rested for an hour or so, she fetch me back home and now i felt better alot but then i still keep missing her. Guess we should really quiet down for the time being.
. ' 4:19 AM l
Haish so many things happening around and yet i'm so foolish to let anger took control of me again. I'm regretting a lot to say those words and asked those questions to you and even saying words that i shouldn't. I'm sure a failure. All i wants to say is wendy i'm very sorry about that night, i'm sorry about everything that happen that night, just wish you could forgive me. I choose to believe you all this while and i know i'm stupid to be affected by stupid words from him but i knew my mistakes. Haish~
