.Saturday, August 15, 2009 ' 4:29 AM l
Today have a short chat with Clarence my GayBrother.
First thing GayBrothers are not GAY we are just Brothers.
Anyway today was actually chatting to Clarence about the question that i can't answer.
Was asking him about my present in this world is important and why izzit?
Clarence thanks anyway for waking my mind up without your words i believe i'm still stuck.
Free from some questions but still trap in the same old place but at least a bit of improvement was made.
I sms and asked Wendy a question last morning which is 6am in the morning.
But i didn't get any answers from her but receive a sms that she's in orchard shopping around.
Right now i just feeling so messed up right now.
There are so many things i wanna say to you but i can't because i'm a coward.
There are so many things i wanna show to you but i can't because i'm useless.
AND
There are so many things i wanna prove to you but i can't because it's too late.
.Friday, August 14, 2009 ' 5:04 AM l
Things going up and down for me.
Ended a relationship recently and nothing much affected me.
Asking myself why am i feeling nothing about it?
And i can't even answer it myself.
Met up with sooyi few days back at lot1.
Have a short trip of chatting with her while sending her home.
She was sharing her problems with me.
And this question went up my mind:"How important is my present in this world?"
At night as i can't sleep, finally pouring out my pain to sooyi over the phone in sms.
Felt kinda lighten up but things just went as usual the next day.
Just now met up with josephine my childhood friend to check up on how's she had been coping.
Same thing and question came up my mind again when josephine to me this.
She said:"Claudius do you know how important your present is? If one day i will to fall, people around me will fall too!"
I recalled Wendy told me some similar too, she said:"Everyone can leave her but not ME because i'm someone special to her!"
I made a promise to Wendy that i will never leave her no matter what or how, will always be there as a friend or some other relationship.
The same old question came up again How important is my present in this world?
Finally i felt ii'm not doing fine more and more because it's seem i'm getting more and more lost about myself.
Just a moment of time when josephine said:"Claudius" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This moment it remind me of wendy, the feeling of wendy was there was so strong as if she was actually there but,
when i look up if was actually josephine my childhood friend.
Some things seem familiar about josephine and wendy but i just can't figure it out.
Maybe i'm thinking too much after all.
Felt a bit relax to hear from josephine that she's coping well in her family and her son.
As for wendy i'm happy to see her having a good boyfriend which is taking care of her right now.
So i guess it's about time i leave this place but i guess it might be a hard one.
After all there is still some weight that i'm unable to lift off.
I'm still holding a torch for Wendy after all is past and history.
I always said to many that "What is yours is yours and what is not will never be yours"
It's meaningfull but am i doing it like what i said to many?
In fact i never been into a relationship that i felt so comfortable and so "mature" in a way.
It totally change my life giving me the light and colours to my life.
Maybe i might sound kinda childish but i really just can't explain it as if i'm writing a story.
Last thing to add on, You can understands others needs and feelings but it's not easy to understands your reall needs and feelings.
.Wednesday, August 05, 2009 ' 4:03 AM l
Seem like this blog had be abandoned by it's owner. . .
Actually don't really have much things to blog about.
But i believe at least i can throw some of my problems here and let it be bygone.
Don't really sure am i moving on the right path of my life or am i creating a root of a mistake?
Take a look at myself in the mirror and found that i'm not doing fine at all.
Looking into my eyes deep inside it was sadness which was trying their best to get out as tears.
Just a question to ask myself why did things take out this way?
Why did i had to let it be a history?
Will our life be better if those things never happen?
A night outside your house gotten a hug given by you and that feelings we once had are still there.
But next it was been covered by regret and sadness.
A friend hug you say ?
But izzit true it's just a friend hug or "friend hug"
This coming saturday i'm moving to redhill.
Believe we gonna see each other much lesser but still you're always in my heart
